I'd go to some random Italian village, where merchants push fruit and vegetable carts down the street on Mondays and Wednesdays.  I would want it to be a place where I can relax, enjoy a natural setting, and be alone with my thoughts.  Great local food would be a must, to keep my spirit fed, of course. 

If I remember my dreams, I obssess over them, just like I do everything else.  Of particular concern to me are my nightmares.  I always have to check and make sure everything is okay the next day.

I look at the sky every night.  Even when I'm driving home  from work and should be looking at the road, I open my moon roof and cast a glance upwards from time to time.  It has occurred to me that the stars are one of the few things I will truly miss when I finally move in to a city.  I often wonder what is in the space between those stars. 

The only time I ever feel unconditionally accepted is when I'm around my sister and we're alone--or with a group of people in which she doesn't feel the need to assimilate.  Sometimes I think I'd like to feel accepted all the time, but I also enjoy a little conflict every now and then.  I'm up for a good argument.

Sometimes I'm not.  Sometimes I just focus on my lack of friends and flawed face.  Other times, I'm an obnoxious fan of myself, thinking that if someone doesn't like me, there's something wrong with him/her, NOT me. 

To conjure up some loyal friends and a swimming pool in my back yard when it's hot.  I think my imagination would be best used to entertain others.  If I had any sort of practical talent, then I could use my imagination to invent something that would help the world.  Unfortunately, my thoughts remain in the clouds.

I was actually considering this just a few days ago.  I feel like people don't really listen to me, even when I've really listened to them.  When I was in high school, I had a teacher who seemed to really care about her students.  Whenever I spoke to her, I felt like the rest of the world didn't exist.  She was wholly focused on me, and I will always admire and appreciate her for that.

My primary questions:  "When will I find my niche?" and "Did I react appropriately to that situation, and if not, what should I have done differently?"  I tend to overanalyze everything, rehearsing my responses in hypothetical situations until I've achieved the perfect, fair outcome.  Unfortunately, I seldom have the opportunity to act them out since life is anything but predictable.  Sometimes I think my introspection will drive me crazy.  I've never understood how people can make decisions without reflecting upon them later.  How else would we grow and change?

I feel wealthy when I'm with a group of friends and have a sense of belonging.  Of course, I'm a typical girl who loves shopping and going to nice places, but what's the point of wearing those fabulous new clothes if you're going out alone? 

I'm a creature of habit, so I embrace order.  Whenever I experience a small change, I need some time to adapt.  For instance, if spoons are kept in the top drawer of a hutch at work, and then they are moved to the middle drawer, it upsets my sense of order.  I have to take a deep breath.  I have to close the drawer, then open it again to be sure my eyes aren't deceiving me.  Okay, they're still there.  Ths is where the spoons are now. 

How ironic then that I adapt more easily to something with which I'm completely unfamiliar.  If I've moved to a different area, or if I'm visiting a new place, I'm calm.  I think it's because I have no preconceived notions of what should be there, how things should be. 

If someone is experiencing a major change, I would advise him/her to be patient, which isn't easy.  The dust will eventually settle, and you can resume with some normalcy, even if it's not the same "normal" you knew before. 

The only place I'm even remotely creative is on this blog.  I wish I were more artistic, but I certainly appreciate the creative endeavors of other people. 

On Etsy.com, in Howard Finster's yard, under the bridge in Cabbagetown. While I appreciate an artist's ability to paint or sculpt realistic forms, I usually am most drawn to pieces that are imagined.  The artist creates something entirely new, a work that would never exist had it not been conceived first in the mind.  I'm drawn to that originality.

Touching other people has always made me uncomfortable, and I don't really like to be touched in an affectionate way by others.  It makes me nervous and embarrassed, like I'm being given more attention than I deserve.  (Now a professional massage is another story.)  I prefer a fleeting glance in my direction rather than an intent stare.  It's strange, I know.  I sympathize with the autistic population in this way.  I feel you, Rain Man.

I readily admit that I'm an idealist.  I'm predisposed to naivete, thinking that everyone has the best of intentions, especially when those people are charged with the task of looking out for others.  Within the past year, I read a book called Confessions of an Economic Hit Man by John Perkins, which was disillusioning on many levels.  It was very disturbing to me that the government would conspire to ruin the economies of other countries, but it was equally upsetting to realize that an individual would choose to participate in this practice without being coerced.  The author condemns the strategies espoused by his employer after he has reaped the monetary benefits.  Everyone should read that book.

I feel the most free on days that I have no obligations.  I equate freedom with having few responsibilities, i.e. having nothing to worry about except what I choose to do next.  Looking back, I enjoyed the most freedom during my summers in high school, when I didn't have a job and only volunteered at my leisure.  Also, when I was an undergrad, I spent five weeks in London.  I finished most of my schoolwork before we went, so I had lots of time at my disposal to explore. 

While I don't think money necessarily buys happiness, I do think it buys opportunity: the freedom from worry, the freedom to travel and do what you want rather than what you must.  I would love to live that way.  Hey, Trey Parker was right:  "Freedom isn't free."  ...but I also think it will cost me more than "a buck o' five."

I am absolutely more proud of my character, even though I think most people would be more impressed by my accomplishments.  I think character is a quality that cannot be taught, and I am so lucky to have parents that instilled in me good values and the virtues of honesty.  I hope that others realize I'm genuine and that I always let my sense of right and wrong guide my decisions.  If I ever let my character be compromised, I feel like my identity will be lost as well. 

I really enjoy being alone sometimes, reflecting on things and doing what I want to do.  BUT:  If I'm alone too much, if I allow my thoughts to roam too freely, I inevitably become depressed.  I'll analyze something until it loses its meaning.  Only my obsession with it remains.  *gasp*  It's happening right now.  I need a good night's sleep and some socialization. 

All fathers?  I'd like my father to know that he could relate to his daughters if he tried.  We need to spend more time together.  We need to find a hobby that we can all enjoy.  I don't want to remember him solely as the disciplinarian of the family.

Sex appeal.  How do people develop that image?  Does it just result from being comfortable with yourself?  I don't get it. 

While I enjoy trying new things, a mysterious person or circumstance makes me ill at ease.  I'd like to say I search out an answer to the mystery, but I might rather hear about someone else's experience instead of creating my own.

The most memorable time I felt at peace wasn't necessarily the most recent.  When I was in college, I totaled my car, rolling in to a steep ravine.  As I went over the edge, I don't remember the crunching metal or the shattering glass.  I believed I was going to die, but I didn't feel afraid at all.

Three and a half years later, I had a similar experience...without that peaceful sensation.  I was utterly terrified.  I'm afraid I've moved away from where I should be in life.  Maybe it's a result of the way I was raised, or maybe I'm just conditioned to this mode of thinking, but I really believe that I need to reacquaint myself with God.  I think that's what I'm missing. 

I always like to think of ways to better myself.  Unfortunately, this means I obsess over my flaws and brainstrom about ways to fix them.  I seldom shed my critical eye, whether it be directed toward that crooked picture frame or something askew within myself.  Isn't that what our society condones?  Buy this product so you'll be pretty.  Go here or you're an ignorant hick.  Be perfect or no one will love you.  Ultimately, it's hard to maintain an internal locus of control. 

I used to volunteer in the rehab center at the hospital, so I think of healing in a physical context.  I remember the amazing man whose back and ribs were broken when his son's girlfriend dropped her cell phone in the car and drove in to another vehicle.  His progress was astounding, and he wasn't bitter.  I also remember the woman who spilled a boiling pot of water in her lap.  Her burns took over a year to heal.  I've never had to heal from something so traumatic.

Sometimes I think the States as a whole needs to "heal" by sealing off our greed.  It seems that more and more people are taking advantage of each other, doing what is best for themselves without thinking about the people around them.  Maybe everyone starts out "good," and we teach them not to be. 

After I graduated from college, I actually developed a small social life and some hobbies.  I got a job, read books for fun, and still took random classes.  I'd finally achieved balance. 

I'm about to go to graduate school, and this question gets at the heart of why I've hesitated for so long.  In addition to not being able to decide what I wanted to do, I hated the idea of returning to my obsessive routine of study, sleep, and eat if you have time.  I actually started to enjoy life when I graduated.  I didn't work until I finished college, so suddenly I had money and could do things other than study.  I dread losing that newly developed social facet of my life. 

I often sacrifice balance in order to excel in my studies.  It's like an addiction for me.  Strive for perfection.  "Don't go out tonight; you might miss something if you don't reread this passage."  I'm going to have to make a conscious effort to be more well-rounded for the next couple of years. 

I don't associate summer with mystery so much as I do freedom.  The long days make me feel like I actually have more time.  In the summer, seven hours of sleep is enough, and I can sit on the deck and sip a mimosa at nine o'clock with a little daylight left.  When I was younger, my sister and I would run through the woods around our house and play softball and the recreation center.  My grandfather made "scooped fruit," which was just a combination of citrus fruits in a large jar, but it always tasted great.  I love summer; I love sun; I love feeling free.

I'm one of those people who can eat whatever I want without affecting my weight, so I often struggle to make healthy choices.  If I can eat a whole cake without gaining weight, what is my incentive?  I'm sure whoever is reading this hates me right now.

Food and I haven't always had such a carefree relationship, though.  If I'm stressed out, food and I won't take the time to connect except maybe once a day.  Sometimes it's just a cheap piece of food I pick up on the way home, something I don't intend to form a solid relationship with at all.

I know I need to be healthy internally, but it's still hard.  I've never cared much for fast food, but I love sweets and inhale them at every given opportunity.  However, I don't like much meat, so I eat mainly seafood, fruit, and vegetables.  I also take a vitamin supplement and drink hot tea and Fruit2O.  I guess I'm really not that bad.

 

My AP English teacher told us that at the end of our senior year, we'd be transformed from caterpillars to butterflies.  Sometimes I think I'm stuck in the cocoon.

An apology from one of my best friends.  Sadly, I have yet to receive it.  In this case, I'm being patient, but I'm also speculating about his thoughts, his motivations...or what if something terrible has happened and that's why he hasn't contacted me? 

There are also times when I have to wait and I'm very impatient.  For example, I don't like waiting for a member of staff to come fix the self checkout machine at Kroger.  I don't like waiting on the phone, being passed around to different extensions, searching for the ONLY person on a campus of 35,000 students and certainly a good number of faculty who can answer my questions about campus housing.  I also don't like waiting on my paycheck. 

The word "waiting" inspires anxiety in me, while "being present" compels my patience.  In other words, waiting is annoying, but staying with someone when he/she needs you is not an option.  How could I possibly go?

I'm one of those annoying people who hasn't actually had to endure much, if any, real suffering in her life.  My response when I see someone else suffering is that of sympathy and repulsion at the same time:  sympathy for the person, repulsion at the affliction. 

I think it's actually easier to avoid the suffering of others for the most part.  Why allow yourself to be constantly affected by it?  It would drive you crazy.  You can't help everyone.  You can't save every life, no matter how much you want to. 

That being said, I can be a very compassionate person.  I just have to choose a focus and then act.  If I don't dedicate myself a few reasonable endeavors, nothing will get done.  I want to make a difference in the world, even if I can't save it.

Being at home.  I moved back in with my parents until I leave for graduate school, but for some reason being here--the place where I grew up--inspires laziness in me.  I love my family, but I feel like I need to get away from them for a while in order to be productive.  It's just too relaxing here.

Another distraction:  craigslist.com.  I use it all the time to search for furniture for my new apartment.  I'll even look for things that I've already got just to determine if I'm happy with my purchase.  Hmm, do I like that antique dresser better?  Should I have held out and bought that one?  Craigslist is addictive to bargain shoppers.

Quality of life.  In my opinion, a key part of enhancing life lies in sufficiency.  We need enough food, water, medicine, and shelter for everyone in every part of the world.